Twilight Princess: Retold
by Zehro the Demon Assassin
Summary: Our latest addition to the Retold family has our hero, Link, experiencing close encounters with fat Moblin generals, sumo-wrestling Gorons, and memory-forgetting best friends. Link meets up with a Twili imp named Midna and goes on an adventure with her to look for artifacts called Fused Shadows. As this is happening, Link's friends are kidnapped and he is forced to save them, too


**A/N: I am officially cut off from about 99.9% of my Zelda games, unfortunately. As a result, Ocarina of Time Retold, Majora's Mask Retold, A Link Between Worlds Retold and Wind Waker Retold are going to be put on hold for a while. That being said, I do have some GOOD news, though. The other day, I found my old copy of Twilight Princess. Seeing as how I still have a Wii, I thought that I'd play it and write a story about it while you guys wait for updates on the other stories.**

**What?**

**My other stories? Which ones?**

**Oh THOSE ones. Well, they're on halt also, seeing as how I'm dealing with writer's block for them.**

**Anyways, now that that little update is out of the way, welcome to Twilight Princess: Retold. This time, we delve into something a little more darker in the Zelda franchise. A tale of love, loss, betrayal, violence, war, and inter-dimensional beings called the Twili. You've already heard the telling of this story through a video game and from many other FanFic Authors, but you haven't heard this story yet.**

**Join our unlikely hero, Link, in an all out amazing quest, accompanied by a strange being of the Twilight Realm, a bratty usurper king, a werewolf, possibly a vampire somewhere in there, NO references to the movie "Twilight," and, of course, monkeys!**

**Now let me just get those two here... *click***

***Link and Zelda appear out of thin air in their Ocarina of Time outfits***

**Link: What the... where are we?**

**Zelda: I was just in the middle of picking out my fanciest robes!**

**Zehro: *snap***

***Link and Zelda are changed into their Twilight Princess outfits***

**Zelda: ...this works, too. *looks down* Just wish the bust was a little bigger, though.**

**Link: Why are we talking about your bust, Zelda?**

**Zelda: Well, other than the fact that this is a T-Rated game, just look at it.**

**Link: I don't wanna look at your- woah...**

**Zelda: Do you think it's misshapen?**

**Link: N-No, not at all...**

**Zelda: Really? *holds up bust of her head* Because I think they could have gotten the nose a little straighter...**

**Zehro: All innuendos aside... are you two ready to start the story?**

**Link: Just one question: You said you had no access to your Zelda games, right? Other than Twilight Princess? Well, what happened to the other ones?**

**Zehro: Too painful to talk about...**

**Link: Well, what about the Let's Plays on-**

**Zehro: That defeats the purpose. Now, enough questions, let's get this sta-**

**Navi: Hey guys!**

**Malon: Zehro! Link! Zelda! Long time no see!**

**Link: What're you guys-**

**Zehro: Save that for the end of the Prologue, now let's-**

**Navi: Hey, where's Vicky?**

**Zehro: DISCLAIMER!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda series in any way at all.**

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{_Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess Retold_}

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Tell me... do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls?

They say it's the only time when our world intersects with theirs...

...the only time we can feel the lingering regrets of spirits who have left our world.

That is why loneliness always pervades the hour of twilight...

But enough talk of sadness... I have a favor to ask you, Link...

Link looked over towards the middle aged man who was talking to him. "What is it, Rusl?"

"You see... I was supposed to deliver something to the Royal Family of Hyrule the day after tomorrow... It was a task set to me by the mayor, but..."

"Are you saying you want me to go in your place?" Link asked. Rusl nodded. "If you would... you've, ahem, never been to Hyrule before, have you?" Link shook his head. Rusl looked back at Faron Spring. "In the kingdom of Hyrule, there is a great castle. Around it is Castle Town, a community far bigger than our little village."

Link's eyes widened. "A place... bigger than Ordon?" Rusl nodded. "Much. And far bigger than Hyrule is the rest of the world that the gods have created." Rusl smiled at him. "You should look upon it all with your own eyes." Link's eyes lit up as he looked toward the sky. "The world... one day, I'll see it all..." Rusl gave him another warm smile and stood up. "It's getting late. We should head back to the village. I'll talk to the mayor about this matter."

Link nodded and stood back up with Rusl. He grabbed his horse, Epona, by the reins and walked alongside her with Rusl. They walked through the field near Faron Woods, across the bridge with the gaping chasm that would probably hurt like hell to fall all the way down and past the Ordon Spring where Link and his best friend would play as children.

They stopped just as they arrived at Link's house. Link took Epona over to her little corner where she slept for the night and rejoined Rusl. Near the entrance to the village, two people walked up to greet them: Uli and Colin, Rusl's family. Link waved Rusl off as he left with his family. "I'll see you tomorrow, Rusl." Rusl nodded and smiled at Link. "You too, Link." And with that, Rusl took his wife and son with him back to their home in Ordon Village. Colin gave Link a warm smile before they left completely. Link returned the smile, then climbed up into his house.

Opening the door, he took a deep breath and climbed all the way upstairs to where his bed was. He laid down and covered himself up, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep...

**HEEEEEEEEY, LIIIIIIIIINK!**

...for about ten seconds.

Link's eyes snapped open as he heard those words ring through his head. He sighed and sat up in his bed, looking out of the window. "Link! I need your help with the goats!" Link groaned and walked over towards the window, poking his head out to see a man at around his thirties. "I already took care of the goats, Fado! I'm exhausted!"

"Oh come on, Link! Please?! I can't do it without your help." Link sighed. He was fully aware that Fado could take care of the goats. For a little while. After that, the goats were pretty much unresponsive to him. "Fine, I'll help with the goats. Just give me a minute." He disappeared from the window and left Fado out there for a little bit. That's when Fado noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Hey, where's Epona?" he shouted up.

Link appeared in the doorway and backflipped off of his doorstep. "What do you mean 'Where's Epona?' She's right-" That's when Link noticed it too. "-there?" Fado shrugged. You think she could've wandered off?" Link shook his head. "Not on her own, no."

That's when he saw something near where Epona was at. He kneeled down and saw footprints leading towards the direction of the Ordon Spring. He knew exactly what happened. "It's nothing to worry about, Fado. I'll meet you at the ranch." Fado gave him a weird look. "You sure? I mean, cause if she's lost-"

"She's not lost. She was borrowed." Another confused look from Fado. "Uh... okay... I guess I'll see you at the ranch." Fado took off one way and Link took off another.

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Link slowly walked into Ordon Spring, careful not to disturb Epona and the girl next to her. The girl was brushing Epona's mane and washing her body. "There you go, girl... all clean..." The horse neighed happily. Link couldn't help but smile. He slowly walked up to them, still not letting them know he's there. "Now come on," the girl said to the Epona, grabbing hold of her reigns. "Let's get you back to Link. I'm sure he'll love to-"

"-see you making off with my horse?" Link finished for her. She shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't say 'make off' per say, but more like-" She stopped right then and there and turned around to see Link standing there with an amused smile. "Oh," she said, before smiling warmly. "Hi, Link." Link walked forward and hugged her. "Next time, Ilia, please tell me you're taking my horse before, y'know, taking my horse?"

Ilia chuckled a bit. "Well, I just thought I'd brush her up a bit before you went off to bed." Link's smile faded a bit. "Well, you're probably gonna have to brush her up again. Fado needs me to wrangle the goats. Again." Ilia's smile faded as well. "Again? I thought you were done for the day."

"I thought so, too," Link told her. "But I guess he had more in store for me." Ilia looked over to Epona and lightly petted her. "Please be easy on Epona. She's a girl too, y'know." Link nodded. "Of course I will." Link walked over to the patch of horse-grass that was growing near there, picked up one of them and blew into it. He played Epona's song on the horse-grass, making the horse nudge up to him as he played it.

Ilia smiled. "I think it's amazing how you're able to play that song on a piece of grass." Link smiled. "It just takes practice." He climbed onto Epona, then offered a hand to Ilia. "Do you need a ride?" Ilia nodded. "My, my, what a gentleman you are." Link laughed nervously. "Heheh, you know me." He helped Ilia onto Epona and the both of them rode out of the spring and into Ordon Village.

He stopped right outside of her house. "Well, that was fast," she said. "But we're right next to the village, so it's expected." She hopped off of Epona and walked up to her door. "I'll... see you later, Link." Link nodded. "You too." Ilia gave him one last warm smile before disappearing into her house. Link let out a sigh and rode up to Ordon Ranch.

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"Hey, Link, you found Epona!" Link nodded. "Yeah, it wasn't that hard to find her." Fado gave him a sly smirk. "Ilia?" Link nodded. "Ilia." Fado scratched the back of his head. "Geez, Link, if I didn't know better, I'd say that you and Ilia were-"

That's when Link gave Fado a stare that made his blood run cold. "...uh, right, forget it. Anyways, sorry to get you over here in such a hurry, Link. The goats have been getting awful skittish lately. They won't listen to a word I say. Sorry to ask, bud, but how's about you an' Epona herd 'em into the barn real quick? We ain't got too much time, so-"

Link nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'll round them up for you." Link reared Epona back and started off towards the biggest pack of goats he could find. They all scattered as he approached them. Link sighed and turned around, herding two goats into the barn. Then two more. Then two more. Then another one. He got knocked off of his horse a couple of times by a few angry goats, but nothing too bad. He eventually got them all inside of the barn and rode back up to Fado for his reward.

Fado put his hands on his hips. "Link, Epona, much obliged to the both of ya." Link nodded. "No problem, Fado."

"Y'know... I can cover everythin' tomorrow without having to trouble ya, so just sit back and relax." Link's eyes widened. "Y-you mean... I get... a day off?" Fado smiled and nodded. "You sure do. Now, if you want, I can set up a couple of fences for you to jump ov-"

Link wasted no time darting out of the ranch with Epona. Fado scratched his head. "Or you can head out... that's good too."

Fado locked up the ranch, still hearing Link's screams of happiness ring throughout the air. In fact, everyone could hear it. "WOOHOO! I GOT A DAY OFF, EVERYONE! I AM THE LUCKIEST ORDONIAN ALIVE! WOOOHOOOO!"

**Zehro: Aaaaaaaaaaand scene.**

**Navi: This looks promising...**

**Malon: Wait... so, you mean... Link has... a different love interest... than me?**

**Navi: Looks like it.**

**Malon: ...YES! OH THANK THE GOOD GODDESSES ABOVE! This calls for a victory nap! *dashes for nearest couch***

**Zehro: *grabs her shirt* Not yet, Malon. I got a little job for you and Navi.**

**Malon: ...what?**

**Navi: Say what?**

**Zehro: Malon, I need you to sing a sad song during nighttime in Hyrule Field.**

**Malon: ...okay?  
**

**Zehro: And Navi, I need you to be the cursor for the Wii Remote thing...**

**Navi: ...the hell's a Wii Remote?**

**Zehro: Really? You're a fairy who knows everything about everything and hangs out in the very forums of the internet itself and you have no idea what a Wii Remote is?**

**Navi: Hmmmmmm... nope.**

**Zehro: Whatever. Anyways...**

**Link: Hey, that wasn't too bad.**

**Zelda: Yeah, it's not so bad. Granted, I'm not in it, but still not too bad.**

**Link: I think that does it for the first chapter.**

**Zehro: Yeah, that should be good. Now, let's close it out.**

**Link: Favorite, follow, review or all three-**

**Zehro: Ah, ah, ah, not like that.**

**Link: What?**

**Zehro: CUE THE ACTION PACKED OUTRO!**

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***awkward silence***

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**Zehro: ...what do you mean we don't have the budget for it?!**

**Zelda: ...regular outro?**

**Zehro: Regular outro...**

**Zelda: Favorite, follow, review or all three. Thanks for reading and tune in next time for the next chapter.**

**Link: And here's to Zehro having us all killed in a freak accident with a car.**

**Zehro: Link, shut the hell up before I rip out your f-**


End file.
